It’s wet it’s cold it’s soft play

It’s wet, it’s cold, it’s time for Soft play, commonly know as hell on Earth. These places are amazing. Floor to ceiling play warehouses across the land, accommodating millions of children and parents and crap food. I’ve managed to avoid it till now, only visiting for Hartbeeps while doing Shared Parental Leave. It was much quieter than now.

It’s completely nuts as you weave your way past other parents and toddlers as they navigate the rabbit warren trying to locate the slide to escape. A scent of poo confuses you as to whether your Sofia has poo’ed or not. She hasn’t. It’s most likely smeared across the soft play floor that you are crawling upon.

It’s complete chaos and you have to ensure the survival of your own child while not knocking the smaller kids and making sure the bigger kids don’t take out your daughter. You end up looking disapprovingly at parents as their kids push your daughter out of the way. Only to see Sofia do the same 2 minutes later.

Endless tables house dads sent to soft play by Mum. They sit surfing the latest football scores while sipping a coffee. You have to go for a Americano and hope. There is no chance of a decent coffee in these places although there is a definite business opportunity there.

However take it for what it is and it can be quite fun. You don’t often get to play and following Sofia round the rabbit warren of soft play poop passages and then down the slide is actually fairly enjoyable. You just need to switch off, pretend you are commuting, create a bubble around yourself and enjoy it.

It can only last a hour at the moment before Sofia is tired and grumpy. Giving you the opportunity to escape, get home and thoroughly clean all exposed skin that might have touched the walls.


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