So after the initial two settling in sessions where she was like dad and mum who? The next two have been terrible experiences for her and for us. After the first two going with Emma to the third I thought would be straightforward. However it ended in lots of tears for Sofia and mum.
It starts off ok, she surveys the room and the exciting array of play opportunities, this is very much like Secret Garden where she plays a lot. Toys everywhere, messy play, lots of kids to interact with. She wanders off and starts playing. We relax and think all is good and head to the door. We make to much of it waving goodbye and smiling at her. Her face goes red and she bursts in to tears and that is pretty much it. The rest of he season is basically a calming session. Em stays but I leave. Having us both there is probably too much for her.
This was also Ems settling in session where she gained confidence in leaving Sofia for 3-4 days a week. So it wasn’t great for her cue reflections us leaving her with strangers for long days. In many ways I feel the same but what can we do, we both work and work although fairly flexible doesn’t work for most parents in this situation. That’s why I like the Swedish approach which rewards parents with time and doesn’t penalise them. It often seems in the U.K. that the hardest working get penalised the most. I know that statement is contentious.
I haven’t really done any reading of what to do when settling in to nursery, writing these posts helps me to think about what to do and read around. Mumsnet and most of the forum sites are littered with babies struggling to settle in and mums in tears as they leave their little one. It’s funny there is very little on the male reaction. I am going to be off the first week she is in nursery so will be doing a number of drops offs and will be doing so ongoing with Em doing the majority of pickups.
For me it is actually difficult also. I have watched to see how she reacts and it’s not a pleasant experience seeing her intears and knowing you can help but shouldn’t. I don’t think I am going to break down and cry but it isn’t something I enjoy doing. I feel like I need to be a bit hard though and just let her deal with it unless too much. She is going to cry and that’s part of it. Sofia needs to find a way to deal with it in the same way when work gets too much I will go and sit in the cathedral near work and just pause. She won’t understand this in the same way but she will learn to deal with it in time and we need to accept that it will take time.
So we have our final settling session this Friday. Fingers crossed.