IKEA IKEA IKEA IKEA

Oh my god, I’ve got to get out but we’ve only just passed the kitchen utensils! I’ve got other things to do like saving the world, surely, however I am no Flash Gordon and my 24 hours to save the world is ensuring we don’t have to make another trip to IKEA soon, definitely not on a bank holiday and definitely not a day after moving house. This is a clear first world problem.

Someone is enjoying herself. Free from the confines of the lowly pushchair and up high on the IKEA trolley, she is today Princess Sofia avidly watching the world go by.  She is in her element in this environment. Lots to try and play with. It’s kind of a good test, “Hey Sofia can you open this door?”, “yes”, “we are not buying it then”. There are also lots of her fans lining the way as she waves to them from her throne. I really hope she never realises there is a Princess Sofia or tv or there will be no stopping her!


I’ve actually always liked IKEA, when not burdened with a big shop, lack of sleep or at a peak time it is actually quite nice to see how your home could look (this probably dates in my head from being a student, times change).

First stop is food, this is essential given our current state and the need to feed royalty. I queue for 20 minutes for the obligatory meatballs, while she has pre-prepared food made to her specifications. I turn up with our food trolley after she has demolished her main course and is crushing the life out of blueberries and raspberries which she eats like sweets, how many can one child eat without turning blue?

In hindsight from the food we should have hit the market place immediately but I’ve always liked the ready made rooms to gain inspiration from (student!). This is the wrong day for that and as we follow the endless arrows it rapidly saps us of lunch energy and the desire to shop. By the time we hit the marketplace we also have a few more Sofia proof items on the list.

We’ve also had to add a zone to the shopping trip. It’s like the crystal maze, there was always one zone you’d spend least time in, usually the sci-Fi zone as the production costs must have been too high.  Now we have to go there and try to win a crystal or in this case satisfy princess Sofia and her toy collection. We buy her a cooking set and a set of house blocks. Engineer or Chef she can decide.


The extra zone and endless arrow following has put us in a dangerous mindset on entering the Marketplace, we are only in the kitchen utensils and already we have forgotten what we came here for. Focus, focus, FOCUS we have to get out of this place, if it’s the last thing we ever do.

It becomes much more fraught from here. We need curtains, a rug, storage and no tea lights!  We have no energy at this point for decisions and each one takes you slowly closer to the edge of obilivion while Brian Blessed laughs hysterically while pushing you off (watch Flash Gordon!). There are a lot of rugs in IKEA and we haven’t even got to curtains yet or chosen fittings. We probably also need lampshades, as we have lots of lights in our new house! Argh, we have to leave! Luckily curtains come in 3 sizes and white or black or grey.  We take a tactical decision after 10 minutes of indecision not to buy lampshades.

The arrows now guide the way like an emergency exit on an airplane. There is even an escalator down at the end to escape. Even Sofia is getting grumpy now and a large self service storage room lacks the people or excitement of the earlier crystal maze zones. Usually at this point I am happy to queue and then queue again for a hotdog, where else do they cost 60p and taste of plastic but are really good! However today we just want to break free.


IKEA done, we purchased far more than planned, missed some items that we actually needed. Standard IKEA operating policy. We have also bought some curtains we will need to return and the roof slopes so is impossible to have curtains in our room, the curtains need returning within a month. Noooooooo!


Ems just told me this blog post should have said ‘we had lunch and then failed’. That pretty much sums it up. Sofia at least enjoyed it.

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